Do I Deserve This?

Does anyone deserve tragedy, disability, pain, suffering, trauma, loneliness? How many times have you said or heard someone say “She doesn’t deserve that”. Maybe you have even thought or said about someone, “He gets what he deserves!”

What does that even mean? Sounds to me like we think that we earn all the good and happy things that happen to us, and if bad thing happen then we must have done something horrible to bring that into our lives. Does that really make any sense? Who decides how many points you need against you to earn a fatal car accident? If you tell a white lie, does that just earn you a headache or maybe a toothache if the scorekeeper is in a bad mood that day? If you tell a real whopper and then have to add to it to cover up the first lie, does that mean you’ll get a migraine that will last a few days?

What in the world have these newborns done that has earned them enough points to be born with birth defects? What have all of these people done who have developed MS, Chronic Fatigue, cataracts, Alzheimer’s and the list is endless. I don’t believe we earn bad stuff or good stuff by how we behave, at least not in these areas. 

It makes sense to me that if I tell a lie, and it comes back on me in some natural way, people get mad at me because they trusted me and I broke that trust, then I deserve to be “in trouble” for that lie. Once I own up, take responsibility, and change my behavior to live in a more honorable way, then I probably won’t “get in trouble” again like that.

So, why do we have disabilities and illnesses and other tragedies? My personal take on it is that, in our soul state we ask for various challenges. Some of the strongest and most inspiring people are those with disabilties, limitations or illnesses. I believe we know how valuable these challenges are to our soul’s growth. It’s only when we come into our human bodies that we forget, which is part of the growth process, to have amnesia for planning this challenge, so that we get the full effect of overcoming what seems like obstacles.

When you talk with people who are forced to deal with ongoing challenges you learn quickly, that obstacles are usually temporary. Life may have to change, sometimes dramatically, but there are usually ways to deal with challenges once we get through thinking of them as blocks that won’t move.

What do you think our soul learns from challenges like these?

71 Responses to Do I Deserve This?

  1. reiki says:

    I’m afraid to say this but some how a large percentage of human beings feel that way about one another and l don’t know how that’s happened, the only thing l can think of is generations passing down that way of thinking. Even l am guilty of thinking that way whether it be he does deserve it or he doesn’t and there is no reason for me to naturally think those thoughts but yet l do.

  2. PhiliaFelice says:

    It’s easy for most people to say how another person deserves some awful plight that befalls them. It’s like a magic incantation that sets the things we don’t understand into a logic that we can immediately accept.

    Frankly, I don’t want to do that. It feels lazy. I normally just accept things as they are but even I sometimes fall into the blame game.

  3. stutin says:

    We are living in the world of reality where pain, illness, disability are like daily part of life. Going through and experiencing difficult circumstances does not mean that we deserve the bad situations in life, it just drives our internal immune system to fight with the circumstances and stand firm amid the heaviness. We all believe in God and some do not, those that believe in God know that he is in control, it is the faith that helps them to overcome the mysterious and unwanted situations in life.

  4. sha2814 says:

    I think the first thing a soul learns from these challenges is – humility. Often we are so busy racing around life that we forget to live. I think that is why many believe the ‘people get what they deserve’ philosophy. Having faced serious, life-threatening challenges – I learned to be very humble. The universe is always moving, changing, and teaching. No one is invincible – tragedy can strike anyone at anytime.
    Instead of thinking what should ‘happen to others’ – I try to live my ‘in the moment’ first and then wish well to others. Honestly, if a person says “he got what deserved” then that person is harboring negativity from some experience with that person. Negativity does breed negativity and I just don’t think it is healthy to harbor old angers, etc. I learned it is so much better to forgive and move on.

  5. MedeaWakoski says:

    “So, why do we have disabilities and illnesses and other tragedies? My personal take on it is that, in our soul state we ask for various challenges. Some of the strongest and most inspiring people are those with disabilties, limitations or illnesses. ”

    This is so true.

    I think what our souls learn from this is desire. When we experience all these challenges, our desires become clear and we do everything we can to achieve them.

  6. tjtrellmom says:

    This was a wonderful post! Most of the times I do say how I thing a people deserves something based on their behavior. If someone have a negative personality, it is only fair for them to “get what they deserve” and the same for positive people. On the other hand I do not understand babies being born with complications. Children who are born with illnesses is not fair to me, every time I think of it I tear up :'( . This topic is something that will be a mystery for a long time.

  7. Luv4ever says:

    I really love that you wrote about this. I have a bad case of this going on right now. I know this lady and she’s just had one bad thing happen after another. She’s is the sweetest person and gives her all to everyone despite whatever she’s facing personally. I feel like I know all of these other people who have done things on purpose to hurt other people and here she is getting the bad end of the stick. I find myself thinking, she doesn’t deserve that! I try my best not to think like that because I totally agree with you. Things are going happen and we have to focus on pushing through.

  8. Asport says:

    When I was reading this post I began to examine my own life circumstances. For many years I struggled with this concept. My mother, who is an amazing loving woman, has faced many obstacles in her life. She has faced multiple life threatening surgeries, battled cancer, and lives everyday in chronic pain from an autoimmune disease. She has been chronically ill all of my life, and seeing her struggle drove me farther and farther away from God. Rock bottom was where I was at when I finally stepped back into a church, and from that moment on my soul and spirit has finally found peace with this question. I cannot tell you what the sermon was on, what passage they talked about, or what songs were sung. However, I can tell you what I heard changed my life. If bad things always happened to “bad” people then we would never be able to show compassion. This statement was my driving force, and it will continue to be my driving force as I believe this from my heart and soul.

  9. Zoelander says:

    Thank you for this post! I really needed to hear this, as I’m currently experiencing a plethora of difficulties in my own life. There is a part of me that believes these trials are just refining me, my character, and my soul, to go on and do bigger and better things, but in the midst of the stress, it’s not easy to remember that there may be a light at the end of the tunnel.

    I am going to keep this idea near and dear as I press on!

  10. Carine says:

    I believe challenges arrive in our lives to help us grow stronger and paves the way for new opportunities in our lives. I have been having major financial problems recently. Desperately I searched the internet for online work opportunities. I stumbled across many sites that will pay you to write. It was perfect! I always wanted to write, but had no clue as to how to go about it. It had opened doors for me and my passion that I will forever be grateful for.

  11. jcairns82 says:

    I, too, agree that our souls select the barriers (& successes) that we will face upon our lives. For myself, I’ve determined that this is likely my last incarnation on Earth. Why? Because I’ve thrown up so many obstacles, it feels like I’m living a few lives. I think my soul wanted one more go around to experience as much as it could and then we’ll enjoy some peace in the after life.

  12. chakralove says:

    We do as people forget that we are the creators of our fates. Being in these bodies can make us become too focused on the flesh and nothing else. When we are challenged in different ways, whether physical or even emotional we tend to get in to a state of blame, shame and self hate. We have to recognize that the true reason we are here is to advance ourselves and to ascend to higher states of spiritual awareness. If we can stay focused on that fact, we can all maneuver through this “matter”, much more in a better frame of mind, than feeling that we are being punished.

  13. Lady350 says:

    I was always told that it gets worse before it gets better. Sometimes the better never comes or definitely comes too late. My mom has always told me that GOD only puts me through things that I can handle, and each time, I have been able to come up with a solution and fixed my problem.

  14. ladyeaglefeather says:

    Everything that we do and everything that happens to us happens for a reason. It is to teach us something. Even if we don’t fully understand at the time. I do believe that our lives are prearranged before we are born. There are certain challenges that we will have to face. We do this to grow as spiritual beings. Each of us must go through many lifetimes and learn many different things before, we take our places in the spirit world.

  15. nvanvleck says:

    I think that before a soul enters a body it can decide if it wants a specific challenge, such as a physical challenge, at birth. I am a big believer in the law of attraction. To me this means once people are grown many of the challenges they experience are a result of what their thoughts, actions, and beliefs are attracting to them.

    I wouldn’t neccessarily say this means those people deserved having bad things happen to them, but that there is a reason certain things happen to certain people that has nothing to do with being a good person or a bad person. I suppose I like the idea of attracting the good and the bad because it suggests that we all have some kind of control over what happens to us, and I find that comforting.

  16. brutal37138 says:

    I feel like your article is interesting based on the fact that it is lightly touching on some Buddhist concepts. Without going into detail on those concepts, I think what we approach in life, in general, is meant to teach us. Life is about growing and over coming obstacles. Some of the most memorable times in my life, thus far, are those things that have been difficult to overcome. As I age, I look back on those events and I can reflect on them. Would I do something different? How could I have approached the problem differently? Did I do the right thing? Why did X happen? It’s all about learning and living. Life doesn’t seem to be a race to finish line, rather a very long line of experiences to reflect on.

  17. oavani says:

    I have never believed it’s one way or the other. I think there’s a balance. There’s simply terrible things that happen, due to the way nature works and how we’re all crowded in together, and then bad situations we may subconsciously place ourselves in for the challenge of it. There is too much going on in the universe(s) to know exactly how everything works or to give it a concrete explanation. And frankly, I have learned to love even the darker and more painful aspects of my life because of that variety. It’s allowed me to grow and to experience things I never would have imagined, leading me to eventually understand people and situations a lot better. I’ve seen a lot of negative things, but I feel like a well balanced person because of it.

  18. firelily99 says:

    Life is about learning and change is optional. We are confronted on a daily basis with learning experiences, moments that test us and reveal to us how much we have grown, how willing we are to handle adversity. We aren’t static individuals, we are alive, thinking, and sensitive with what is going on around us. I truly believe that at times we are given things that are more than we can handle in order to test our faith in our Higher Power and ourselves.

  19. firelily99 says:

    This is a really good topic in that it invites a wide range of answers to it. One of my favorite quotes is “pain is inevitable and change is optional, choose wisely”. Each day we are given a shot and not a guarantee of how the day will work out for us. Some days I am more accepting than others about what is sent my way whether it is good or bad. Right now I am extremely frustrated about the way things are going in my life, tired of day after day of the same misery and feeling like no end is in sight. Still, I wake up and get up and am willing to at least try again, hopeful that it will all turn around and my health will be restored.

  20. Glimmer says:

    I think that life if is all about allowing our minds and souls grow, and learning from difficult situations is always challenging, but so rewarding at the same time. Without these challenges, where would we gain wisdom from? I know several people who are continuously in bad situations, only because they keep putting themselves there. But, I know it’s hard to set back and objectively look at the situation and plan accordingly… All I can do is offer a helping hand along the way!

  21. firelily99 says:

    There are no coincidences in the Universe, cause and effect, cause and effect. If millions of monarchs flap their wings in Brazil at the same time would it not stand to reason that something somewhere would be impacted by that act?

  22. heavnsangel79 says:

    I see suffering everyday because I am in the healthcare field. In those instances I do find myself saying “why?” at times. However, there is not always an answer to this question. I am a spiritual person and have a belief in God, and I have always thought that a person will not be given more than they can handle. Suffering, in some for or another, befalls everyone at some time in their life. No one is immune and no one is exactly deserving.

  23. Astdua says:

    When I see other people suffering, I feel empathy for them, but also realize the simple truth that it is part of their complex journey and struggle, just as my suffering has been for me. As life and the universe are a balance between good things happening and bad things happening, the right thing is to endure the negative, and use it to grow stronger, so that you may be more enlightened in the positive.

  24. butterflyfree says:

    “In our soul state we ask for various challenges….I believe we know how valuable these challenges are to our soul’s growth. It’s only when we come into our human bodies that we forget” This has changed my perception in a way you cannot even imagine. It is very true that the strongest go through the worst challenges and it makes so much sense that these are the challenges we would choose for ourselves, having faith that overcoming them will ultimately assist us in achieving what will satisfy us in our physical bodies as well as prepare us for our next journey.

  25. Leila says:

    I think that bad things happen, but mostly it is not something you did to make it come about. Sometimes, we just have to go through trials, to grow as a person. If everything is easy, you tend to not appreciate things.

  26. warmweatherwoman says:

    I don’t think anyone deserves tragedy, disability, pain, suffering, trauma, loneliness…but I do feel that those who suffer from these conditions are also those that are deemed the strongest and most likely to fight and get thru them.

  27. ipenipent says:

    I think it’s difficult not to fall into the blame game, because so many people around us do just that all the time, so we essentially learn from others how to do that from a young age. I think our soul learns a lot from difficult obstacles though. It’s sort of like a training or preparation of some sort, and while I don’t like it at the time it happens, I think it’s good for us!

  28. dstarr says:

    “Have a positive attitude and you will see the positive sides of what happens to you. Have a negative attitude and you will focus on the negative aspects of what happens to you.”

    These words have stuck in my brain for years, I have not, and will nwver forget these words. They make my life better, I read them to myself and agree with them 100%.

    I believe what goes around comes around, karma.

  29. jonathan says:

    I agree with you that some of the strongest people alive have some sort of disability that is actually giving them the power to be strong. They need to be strong and not cave in to the temptation of just giving up.

    Most of them do not know the meaning of quitting and are trying to surpass themselves each day. No one asks to have disabilities and no one deserves them. They just happen and it’s important to stay positive and keep moving forward if that happens.

  30. stardisgate says:

    I feel this way about my medical issues. I feel like it is bad luck and it makes me so sad. I believe in Karma, so I sit here and wonder what I did that was so wrong. I also wonder why people who have done horrible things, get nothing but good things. It just makes me upset.

  31. Allison says:

    Those of us who have to face the challenges of a disability cannot afford to give up. After a few years you begin to accept the aches. However, we never can get rid of the pain. We can deal with it. Massages, and cognitive therapy can help us to cope more effectively.

  32. davbonpol13 says:

    We all wonder this at some time in our lives, why bad things happen to good people? What we don’t realize is that our percetion of good and bad vary so much from situation to situation, that we are not always the best judge of what is good or bad for another person. My husband is a great example of this. Tweenty years ago, my husband had a horrible car accident due to he was drinking and driving. He suffered a tramatic brain injury, and was in a coma for two weeks! When he came out of his coma, he began the long road to recovery, which included him having to relearn everything, things like swallowing! Some may say that this was a terribly bad thing that happened to David, but i you look closer at his situation, it was one of the best things to ever happen to him. As a result of his accident, he was given a second chance at life, he quit drinking altogether and his life is now better for what happened!

  33. rubydust says:

    I have a disability, and honestly, it took me many years to overcome the feeling of unfairness and frustration – “Why me? What have I done to deserve this?”

    I still have those thoughts sometimes. But I think it can help to view life’s challenges as a blessing in disguise. Without overcoming hurdles, how do we know we can jump? It builds our self confidence.

    Challenges help us to become strong. They allow us to grow, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, and we carry this new wisdom with us, throughout life.

  34. Swoosieque says:

    Now I may be contradicting what I just wrote on another topic-section here, but, this is actually totally different, therefore, it really does not contradict what I said elsewhere. At least I hope not!

    Rather than thinking “inside” the box, that people with disabilities are being punished for something they did wrong in a past life, maybe, just maybe, they are ADVANCED SOULS who are offering themselves for the spiritual development of others – specifically, the caretakers of their human forms, be it parents, spouces or institutional caregivers. Think about it, who suffers more, the patient or the loving parents/spouse? Who is most likely to “learn” from the existence of a disabled person?

    This would seem to me the only logical “balance” in these situations, especially if we believe for every yin, there is a yang. A good example of this would be Christopher Reeves and his wife, Dana. She cared for him in his paralyzed state for years, only to fall ill and die very shortly after his death. This seems to me an undeniable example of two souls’ purposes reflecting the caring and the cared-for.

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