Self-Love is Unconditional Love

Self-Love is Unconditional Love by Kerri Kannan

We are raised with notions that “love” has something to do with how we express ourselves toward others. We think that when we love someone, we will compromise and make them feel better and will sacrifice ourselves and do anything for the object of our adoration. While this is true to a point, it is backwards. You can not love another until you fully embrace yourself.
The notion that you must cater to the needs of others in the name of love creates internal conflict and it is really the furthest thing from love. We are taught that we must strive to be good but that implies that we are inherently bad or that there is something we must achieve or do in order to be good and loved. We set ourselves up for lives of unhappiness and Self-sacrifice feeling that love comes from an external source and to attain it, we must cater to the perceived needs of others.
When we can embrace the totality of who we are, and embrace all of our moods and all of what we are, whether we like the characteristics or not, we then allow ourselves to be Self-loving. You can’t help whether you feel anger or love in any moment, and you can’t control other people and their perceptions. All you can do is surrender control and accept yourself and what you feel in any given moment, whether that feeling is of wanting to kiss someone or whether you want to kick them. You don’t have to act on it, you merely need to accept that you feel it and once you accept it, then you can change it if you desire. You can’t change something you are unwilling to see.
When you can accept your feelings in any given moment, you will eventually find that you are happy to be you and can remain steadfastly true to yourself by honoring your feelings. When you can be true to yourself and other people’s opinions hold no power over you, then you can truly love without condition. You find that your approval and acceptance is the only validation you need and little by little, your attachments to how other people respond to you melt away. You find that it makes no difference whether your love is reciprocated; you love because you feel love for yourself and nobody can take that away from you. You find that it feels wonderful to share yourself and your love with whoever will receive it, in whatever form it shows up; whether it is helping a stranger with groceries or being present with your kids or giving yourself over to your lover fully and completely.

Self-love allows you to be more authentic in your expressions because with it comes the innate understanding that any act of love toward the self is an act of love toward another, regardless of appearances. You no longer judge certain acts as good or bad, instead, you experience every aspect as an expression of life as it is expressed through you and you judge none of it. With self-love comes honesty, courage and trust that you will always do the right thing at the right time because you are in touch with your true nature and allow yourself to be authentically you.

When you release the need for external approval, you find your own validation and approval is the only one you need. You find that your love is expressed in everything you do and you free yourself to be completely and steadfastly true to yourself. You also find that in loving yourself, you can’t help but love every aspect of your life because you see and express your own Love of Self in everything you do.

Kerri Kannan is a Self-Love mentor, internet radio personality, inspirational speaker and author of Uncovering the Divine Within – a Journey of Self-Love. To register for one of her many Free transformational programs, schedule a consultation, purchase a book, enroll in a class or to inquire about having her speak at your next function, please visit her website at,
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18 Responses to Self-Love is Unconditional Love

  1. WestCoastXO says:

    There is an old African saying that goes something like, “If there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.” I have learned that by discovering my inner strength I have developed a thicker skin and unconditional love for others. I wasn’t able to love others before first loving myself, and yet I was wondering why I was distancing myself further from the people I surrounded myself with.

    Thank you for sharing such a beautiful article. I will bookmark this for whenever I feel like I’m lacking love. :)

  2. ssb2126 says:

    When you truly love something I certainly believe that you will do anything and everything for them, but sometimes we get lost in all that and forget to love ourselves. I think it is important to remember that you must love yourself first before you can love anything or anyone else.

  3. Beautiful article. I knew about ‘mirrors’ for a long time, however, I was in my 50’s before I *really* understood that it was me rejecting me, other people were just me showing up for me that way. I finally ‘got’ that I was enough. Lovely article, again, thank you. Blessings to you

  4. fortunado30 says:

    We feel love when we give love to others. Some people give everything just to make their loved ones happy because that what makes them happy. Thank you to the lovely person who wrote this article.

  5. stardisgate says:

    For some reason, the title reminded me of the new movie “Frozen”. I do agree though. I believe you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. It just makes sense. We all need to learn to love ourselves. Only then can we go forward in life.

  6. misstiff823 says:

    This article hit close to home for me. I have recently gotten out of a relationship that I put my heart and soul into. I was betrayed in the worst way by the one I trusted and loved unconditionally. Now that I’ve left that relationship I now see that it was a lack of love for self that kept me there longer than I should have been. I felt that if I loved someone hard enough they would love me too. And somehow I would be better off for it. I put that person first before myself and lost all respect and dignity for myself as they continually disrespected me and took me for granted. I agree wholeheartedly with the points made in this article and by posters here. I believe that if you have self-love, NO ONE can cause you to feel inferior. You will not allow others to denigrate you. You will be able to walk away from people and situations that do nothing but hold you down. Too many of us look for love outside ourselves without realizing that the most important place we should be looking is within ourselves.

  7. wenonah says:

    This article made me reflect on self love and the evolution of it in my life. I recall as a small child feeling an abundance of love for myself and others. It was totally unconditional. However as life situations occurred I began to doubt myself and at a dark point I really didn’t love/like myself. After learning how to handle the difficult situations that caused my turning point from Self Love to lack of it, I began to evolve back to that small child feeling. A light began to shine from within me and greater relationships were built. Today I share with others and I do a lot of Self Love Talk. Thank you for this writing.

  8. ZISdaisy says:

    Isn’t it surprising that the skill that would take us further in life is the one we struggle with the most? It should be second nature to raise children to love themselves, and to carry that behavior as natural throughout their lives. Yet, it is not the case. So many of us begin to understand the importance of self love later in life. An we struggle to shake off the lessons that have been ingrained in us against it. Thanks for bringing the topic over, for those of us who are still in the path of personal growth and self love.

  9. mrsbrodt says:

    Agree with many of the other posters that self-love should be something that comes much more naturally to people. And yet most of struggle with it at one point or another in our lives. Perhaps because we project so many expectations of onto our ourselves that when something doesn’t work we blame ourselves first. I appreciate this article and will try to remember it when I am having a tough time and need to work on learning to love myself.

  10. davbonpol13 says:

    One of the major blocks to self-love is forgiveness. We talk about how important it is to our spiritual well-being to forgive others who have wronged us, but we seem to forget that mre importantly we must forgive ourselves first! This is easier said than done. We will go years trying to make up for a wrong we do to someone else because we failed to forgive ourselves.

  11. davbonpol13 says:

    I tend to be hard on myself about my weight. It has only been in the past few years that I realize this is a self destructive attitude. Recently I have accepted that I am just not a skinny person, I am fearfully and wonderfully made to be just who I am, me! I’ve learned to love myself at any weight, and have begun to look at my overall health instead of focusing on just my weight.

  12. jmdecaro says:

    Wow this really hit home today. I’ve been taking a step back and looking at my life lately and I think I lack a good amount of self-love. I’ve been struggling with some issues lately and even when the smallest thing goes wrong I immediately blame and punish myself for it. Some days are of course better than others, but I need to try to give myself a bit more credit. It’s easier said than done, but I’m so happy for those who are able to do this naturally without trying. Beautiful article.

  13. rubydust says:

    I believe that loving our selves doesn’t come naturally to many people. It is sometimes even seen as a bad trait, associated with vanity – “Look at her, see how she LOVES herself!”

    The way that females are socialised is to put the needs of others before ourselves, so the LAST thing many of us would even consider is self love.

    Many of us don’t believe we are worthy of love from anybody, let alone from ourselves. This is a very unhealthy mental state, but unfortunately all too common.

    Kerri Kannan’s message is one that should be taught to all of us, from a young age. That at the heart of self love is self acceptance.

  14. addictedtmusic says:

    This was a wonderful article. I have been lacking of self-confidence, self-love and self-respect for the past two months now since i have some strong relationship problems with my loved one, we have been having constant arguments that just do not seem to end and it is not that easy to break a relationship you have been trying to build for years now.

    I should accept my mistakes and be less harsh on myself and try to move on despite all the difficulties. Thanks for this articles:)

  15. mercantile519 says:

    This could not have been published at a better time. I’ve been struggling with loving myself lately, and I need a reminder now and then. I’m going to work on it for the next little while.
    Thank you for posting!

  16. secretgoldfish says:

    More important than loving people around us, we need to love ourselves, and that’s such a difficult talks nowadays. However when you finally learn self love it’s going to benefit every other relashionship in your life.

  17. es0127 says:

    Before one can truly love another individual they must first learn to love themselves fully. If you are unable to accept yourself and all your flaws and strengths how can you accept someone else’s. Similarly how can you expect someone to love you the way you want to be loved when you cant even love yourself.

  18. mochaisis says:

    I’m sure I’m not alone when I say that this is something I struggle with. I used try to overlook or ignore my flaws and shortcomings. I realized that this is not self-love at all. It is rather the opposite entirely. As I move further into my 30s, I am realizing that in order to self-love properly, I have to embrace, maybe not love, all of me. The more that I embrace my entire being, flaws and all, the more total self-love blooms. I am able to look in the mirror today and pick things that I love about my face and body, instead of zeroing in on the flaws and faults, and that feels really good.

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